Many of us can assign songs that we deem fitting for certain people who have influenced our lives, whether positively or negatively. But not many of us can actually write a song for each of them. Only few people can and Taylor Swift is definitely one of them.
It has been rumored that this girl writes particular songs for every failed relationship that she had. Yes, she may be a genius in song-writing, but when it comes to relationships, she just couldn’t graduate. Her song Dear John, for example, was particularly written to end her short-lived relationship with the singer John Mayer. I liked that song for its coherent flow of ideas and the depth of emotion it portrayed. But I like it more because the song’s story revolved around a girl who learned her lesson about dating wrongly. I can’t help but wonder, did our girl Taylor ever learned? I hope she did.
I hope she did learn that we are not necessarily destined and designed to endure heartaches after heartaches because of wrong relationships. And I hope she learned that true love is not a trial-and-error game that when you fail at first try, you can try and try and try again, and fail at every one of those attempts, and then press repeat. No, it just doesn’t work that way.
Here are some hard truths about wrong relationships that we all can learn from Taylor Swift’s Dear John:
Wrong relationships makes you go blind to the wisdom that could save you.
“And my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore I was fine.”
Of all the things that wrong relationships can turn you into, this seems to be the worst–it makes you blind. It disables you to see the difference of right from wrong. It makes you justify the wrong and dismiss what is right. A loving guidance from your mother becomes an offensive accusation, and you wouldn’t just listen to the only wisdom that could save you from the hell you are into.
Wrong relationships makes you selfish–the only thing that matters in the world is yourself and your so-called version of “love” and “happiness”. You could barely notice that in fighting for a wrong relationship, you ruin all the right relationships around you. And when the war is over, you would find yourself all alone because you despised the right people who were fighting to get you out.
Wrong relationships leads you to compromise and to settle for less.
“And I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules every day. Wonderin’ which version of you I might get on the phone tonight.”
Your heart is deceitful. I mean, who would want to be in a relationship with someone who changes the rules every day? As selfish as that, yet you settle and even worse, you think it’s perfectly fine because it’s love. But you are so wrong.
You think that love enables you to lower your standards a little, but love has really nothing to do with it. It’s all your heart’s schemes. Emotions don’t equate love. Wrong relationships may be full of “feels” and all that but the “feels” cannot always be equated to love.
Most people don’t compromise for the sake of love, they compromise for the sake of the feeling. They wanted the feeling to last. So even if they deserve someone better, they settle, they compromise, they forgive, and they find a way to justify.
Wrong relationships are mostly a matter of wrong timing.
“Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home, I should’ve known.”
Yes indeed, you are too young to be messed with, but you are also too young to get yourself into that mess. Many young people today are ruining their lives in pursuit of love. Who wouldn’t want to experience the magnificence of love? But because they pursue such a beautiful thing in a perfectly wrong timing, they end up with the wrong person.
Right relationships require the right people. Being the right person takes time–your character takes time to be molded, your emotions take time to be mastered, your motives take time to be checked and corrected. You cannot be ready for a right relationship if you are only fifteen. Do yourself a favor and give yourself more time.
Wrong relationships are directionless and without a clear vision.
“You’re an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry.”
He might say sweet things as marrying you someday, but believe me, he doesn’t have any idea how to get there. Wrong relationships have no clear vision of the future. It is made up of two people living for the moment without any clear direction of which way to go.
Right relationships are always and always headed for marriage. For where else should it be heading to if not to that place of absolute commitment, the place where one’s love for another is ultimately proved and further improved. Many people may have downgraded the glory of marriage but I still believe that it is a God-ordained destiny–it is not something to be played about. No one should date until they “can” marry each other.
Wrong relationships are escapable.
“But I took your matches before fire could catch me so don’t look now. I’m shinning like fireworks over your sad empty town.”
This is hope, offered to all, for free. Yes indeed, you can run away. If you are with the wrong person, at the wrong place and time, you can come out of that relationship any time you want. Wrong relationships will only imprison you to the extent that you allow. Remember, if you keep being with the wrong person, you will remain the wrong person.
Wrong relationships will always be doomed to fail. And if you are in a wrong relationship, you will always be doomed to break. And I firmly believe that God didn’t plan such a destiny for you. Sadly, many young people settle because they believe in the lie that nobody else loves them.
That is not true. God loves you. And His love is grand and perfect, more than enough to satisfy the longings of your heart. He loves you and he designed you to be whole in love, for love, and by love, and not to be shattered by it. Let him protect you by remaining in the shadow of his will.
Always know that you are worth loving. And your Father in heaven has destined someone who will love you the way He wants you to be loved. It is the kind of love worth waiting for.